I’m 36. If I had had a kid when I turned 18, they’d now be an adult themselves. I’m older than my mom when she had me. This puts things in a different perspective.
So much of my adulthood has been defined by my being emotionally stunted and making my issues other people’s problem. With that finally behind me, plus money and good health, I find myself with a freedom I never really had before.
Okay, just completed the blog part of my website. I was planning to add the previous entries of my “real” blog, and am still considering it. However, it would require alot of editing, so I think I’ll just start with this dual blog thing.
One for me and my personal thoughts, and the other, and edited version, for this website. No offense potential readers, but I don’t want to offend anyone!
At the time I had a journal that I had on my computer as a text file that I’d edit in Notepad. It was a place where I’d write about the difficulties I had with my mom and step-dad, among daily going ons. I assume that this is what I’m referring to here as my “real” blog. To my middle-aged chagrin, the file was lost not too long after. Of my website, I said of the time:
This website actually has no design purpose or motive. It just is. It is a product of my imagination at 3AM, whilst worrying for a math midterm. It has no commercial goals. You should find some interesting stuff in the links to the left, with a live webcam of my flat [well, not really my flat], some links to course material [wohoo! you might sarcastically think], and the newest addition of my online blog.
I don’t have many photos of myself from that time, but here’s a few. These photos were taken when I was 17 to 19:
It’s wild to me that the time elapsed between then and now, is the same amount of time between when I was born and when I started this blog. This does feel like long ago, but not a lifetime long. Time is weird.
There was another anti-trans protest in Ottawa this week. It was organized by a group whose foundational beliefs are labeled trans-exclusive radical feminism (TERFs) or “gender critical”, depending who is doing the naming.
If anyone ever wanted to study attitudes on gender nonconformity in Canada during in this period in history, I’d point them to opinion writer Barbara Kay. Her prominence is fading now that newspapers and books are losing ground to competing forms of entertainment, but not too long ago she was one of the few authoritative voices Canadians might hear discuss gay or trans issues.
What she had to say was not particularly kind. She beckoned readers to purge society of these people using a litany of ever changing pretences. Now her latest diatribes are aimed at trans women. The story here though isn’t about her. It’s about the chain of people required to publish these dog whistles: folks who consider themselves supportive of diversity working for companies that claim to be inclusive of “LGBT” people, all the while making money by advocating for their eradication.
I believe these enablers and the apparent contradiction of their actions with their beliefs has more to tell us than the enmity of a single person. After all, it’s inevitable for cruel people to exist, but for others to monetize this antisocial behaviour is not. Nonetheless we can’t talk about that and the very real harm it causes without first talking about her.
We are living in a special moment; the trans analogue of Pride’s inflection point where it went from amplifying the vilified in the 1970s to throwing change-makers under the bus as to comfort small politicians and large corporate donors. Turning away from those with the least security to centre those with the most is easy when it’s just the latter in the room, but nothing kills imagination more than doing just that.
So, do you dare to dream?
It’s a tall order. In this climate, security is accorded to those who are deemed most respectable, the ones who are closest to fit into existing social norms. It values the software developer over the sex worker; the cis-passing trans man over the trans woman with a beard. Those let into the club are further predisposed towards assimilation as the more one has, the more there is to lose by ruffling feathers. So the very security that is had by liberating ourselves from puritanical values also incentivizes us to pretend like they’re perfectly fine.