So much contemporary discourse frames transness as being an aberration, but what if it was being cis?
To be cis and straight
To be “gender conforming” is to adhere to a specific set of unwritten rules of a particular culture.
It’s one narrow interpretation about:
- What gender you’re allowed to love
- What qualities in a partner you’re allowed to value
- What gender you’re allowed to be friends with
- What clothing you’re allowed to wear
- What name you’re allowed to go by
- What pronoun you’re allowed to go by
- What haircut you’re allowed to have
- What occupation you’re allowed to do
- What field you’re allowed to study
- What hobby you’re allowed to partake
- What sport you’re allowed to enjoy (eg. women’s hockey)
- What toys you’re allowed to play with (eg. dolls)
- What movies/books you’re allowed to love (eg. romantasy)
- What intonation you’re allowed to speak in (eg. gay accent)
- What words you’re allowed to use (eg. using “like” as filler)
- What colour you’re allowed to like (eg. pink)
- Whether you’re allowed to cry
- Whether you’re allowed to be assertive
- Whether you’re allowed to show affection with friends
- Whether you’re allowed to be emotionally vulnerable
Answer in one specific way to all of these and you’re gender conforming. You’re cis. You’re straight.
It’s not universal, of course. These answers vary culture to culture or even within the same culture at different points in time. They’re just rules made up by people.
The lie
We’re told is that being trans is a special case that deserves exclusion. Exclusion from bathrooms. Exclusion from library books. Exclusion from public office. Exclusion from care like puberty blockers and hormone replacement therapy – care rendered to gender conforming individuals. Exclusion from the mouths of teachers who want to use the right name and pronouns. Exclusion from being able to update identity documents to reflect the correct gender.
I say that the special case is hitting yes on everyone of those made-up rules. It’s not bad to be that person who is all yes. It’s not anything – it’s who they are. But we’re being fed this message that it’s bad to say no to any one of these made-up rules. That it’s undesirable and should be prevented to the point of inflicting harm on the person.
This hinges on portraying gender diversity as a myth, yet we can see this diversity all around us if only we would only look. Being cis is not a fixed superior state of being, that supposed ideal is as made-up as the ever-changing rules it adheres to.
It’s everywhere
This lie of being cis as the only correct way to be has found new champions in the past decades as conservative strategists tried to find ways to force women back in the kitchen. Manufacturing a panic around trans people is a proxy issue for them to deny any agency around these made-up rules.
But the lie has spread and has reared its head in legislative chambers and from reporting by major outlets like the New York Times. The harm being done to gender diverse people is immeasurable.
I firmly believe that if these rules didn’t have so many hammers, you’d see a lot more people signal preferences other than the one proscribed to them by this violent culture.