I’ve heard about delayed adulthood among older queer/trans people and those with C-PTSD. There’s more obstacles between starting out into adulthood and those traditional life milestones.
But one thing I didn’t realize until now is that you really only have fifteen years to catch up. And if you don’t, you’re locked out.
Kids is one example. I closed out my thirties having worked through the maladaptations that made me single. But by that point, it was too late. It would take me minimum five years to be with a partner to trust having a kid with them and fifty is too old to have a five year old.
If life was longer, that wouldn’t be an issue. If I had the same energy or resilience at forty that I did at twenty it wouldn’t be a problem.
Home ownership is another example. Peers who had two incomes or parental help were able to enter the housing market by thirty. I didn’t have the income, job security or help to enter the housing market.
At some point before they retire, those home owners will have their mortgages paid off. And they’ll have not only a retirement fund in that home, but far lower monthly costs. I spent more money than them in rent, paying off a baby boomer’s second mortgage, but I get nothing out of it.
I’m now getting past the age where I could benefit from home ownership. Home prices are now double what my peers paid, but they have two incomes and me one. So it’s 4x the cost. At this age I would be paying mortgage into retirement – but I won’t be able to afford it then. This wouldn’t be an issue if my lifespan was longer. Life is just too short and I got burned with the cards I was dealt.
I passed the point where I could catch up.